faith unfaded

There’s no right way to grieve. I’ve heard it; I’ve said it. Everyone grieves differently and it’s never a linear path. Some days are harder than others.

Trying to grieve perfectly is setting yourself up for failure. And yet, when my mom passed away, I found myself striving to do exactly that.

I had to let go of keeping it all together. I cried when I needed to cry. I slept when I needed to sleep. I laughed when my heart felt joy. I isolated when being around people was too much. Some days were like playing Mother, May I? Ten scissor steps forward. Other days were five bunny hops backward.

There are intuitive grievers who need to verbalize their feelings and openly talk about their loss. Instrumental grievers process grief more cognitively and tend to be more action-oriented, focusing on tasks to cope.

I seem to be a perfect mix of both, combining to-do lists with wordy prose to get through each and every day.

There’s no right way to grieve. But for me, there is a wrong way.

Grief is hard enough without intentionally making it worse. I don’t play songs that drive me farther into darkness. I don’t allow mental spirals to torment my mind. I won’t float down a river of regret just to sit with my feelings.

I’ve done these things in the past. None of it helped me heal. It only drove me farther away from the only Anchor who could save me.

“We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain.”
— Hebrews 6:19

When the anchor of our soul is the hope found only in Christ, even when we feel the wind and the storm, we remain unshakable.

God’s Word is full of promises to help us through our darkest hours, to help us grieve and heal, mourn and find joy once again.

For God’s nearness: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18

For comfort in mourning: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” — Matthew 5:4

For the promise of eternal peace: “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” — Revelation 21:4

For strength in the darkest moments: “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” — Psalm 23:4