faith unfaded

I wasn’t a fan of this song when it came out. Life and death are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21) and saying you aren’t okay is no way to be okay.

You’re barely hanging on? Well, just hold on tighter. Seemed simple enough to me. Why are we claiming distress?

Sometimes my naïveté astounds me.

Because just a couple of weeks ago, I was not okay.

Through every trial I’d been through the last couple of years—and there had been some doozies—I managed to stay on my feet. I might’ve wobbled. I definitely shed some tears. But I was okay. The surplus of peace and joy sustained me even when my heart would take a hit.

But nothing—and I do mean NOTHING—prepared me for what was to come.

The grief over my mother’s passing was hard—is still hard. But I stood firm. “This is going to hurt but it will get better.” That was the Spirit-filled response to the echoes of “My mom is dead. My mom is never coming back…” endless loop that tormented my mind.

But it didn’t stop there. Fear, physical pain, hurt, regret, and more piled on top of the grief.

My heartbreak turned to anger. That gave the devil a foothold.

I made mistakes. I always seem to make mistakes. I give myself even less grace than others give me.

I was not okay.

And I finally understood the depth of this song. Because sometimes you just aren’t okay.

But you will be.

I Am Not Okay (Jelly Roll, 2024)

I am not okay
I’m barely gettin’ by
I’m losin’ track of days
And losin’ sleep at night
I am not okay
I’m hangin’ on the rails
So if I say I’m fine
Just know I learned to hide it well

I know I can’t be the only one
Who’s holdin’ on for dear life
But God knows, I know
When it’s all said and done
I’m not okay
But it’s all gonna be alright

https://youtu.be/Qop5XLgwkNc?is=XQWYWbLVBqjM_BHT