faith unfaded

When I asked the Lord to direct me to the passage for today’s writing inspiration, I immediately got 50 different voices in my head. It was like asking a carful of kids where they wanted to stop and eat while on a road trip. (Mom hack: You decide where YOU want to stop then ask the kids if they want sandwiches or that place. They excitedly choose YOUR pick and no one is sulking in the restaurant!)

But I knew only one voice was the Lord’s so I got perfectly still and waited to hear HIS answer.

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me…John 10:27

Psalm 38, He said.

Oh good, a psalm of praise today!

Yeah, no. In fact I stopped after verse 3, certain I did NOT indeed hear His voice. The Lord’s wrath? His anger? Surely this was not the passage for me.

Keep reading, He said.

It all made sense in Verse 4.

For my iniquities have gone over my head; like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me.

Had I not just recently had this very conversation with a friend? She, too, had said her burden was more than she could bear. And then she mentioned that her sins were too great for even God to forgive.

It broke my heart. Not only because I knew it was a lie straight from hell, but because I’d once believed it myself. I gently reminded her of God’s truth.

Sometimes I don’t know what’s worse- the man who willingly and blatantly sins, planning to ask for forgiveness later or the man who stays in bondage, falsely believing forgiveness isn’t for him.

I’ve spent time in both of those prisons. Here’s a tip: Those are unlocked cells.

The first half of the passage was a reminder of who I was writing to, a bringing-to-mind of a former mindset:

v. 6: David is in mourning day and night. There is no more joy. He blames himself.

v. 9: He doesn’t hide it from the Lord. Is everyone else tired of your whining and complaining? God never is. Like David, you should continually bring your sorrows to Christ.

v. 10: David has lost his strength and his light. He is not falling into a victim mentality; he is taking ownership for his mistakes. But he’s also beating himself up. He has yet to find self-forgiveness.

This is where the passage became about the Lord’s words TO me. He is continually purifying my heart, one that still desires vengeance at times.

The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace. Exodus 14:14

Fittingly, this verse is the one time I audibly heard the Lord. It was a booming, thunderous voice and it’s been almost 25 years since.

He is still having to remind me!

v. 11: David’s friends and family have backed away. I remember that feeling in the darkest hour of my life! Sometimes, though, the Lord has to get us alone to depend on Him. I harbor no animosity.

v. 12: Those who want to kill me set their traps, those who would harm me talk of my ruin; all day long they scheme and lie.

Yeah, now we have a little bit of a problem. I want revenge. I want comeuppance. I am a fighter.

v. 13: David willingly becomes deaf and dumb to these people. I know this is what the Lord is telling me to do. I may be staying silent and doing the right thing, but my heart gets angry and wants to see that vengeance from the Lord. (Spoiler alert: If you are sitting back hoping the Lord is going to destroy someone, you are the one He’s going to deal with.)

v. 16: Your enemies will watch and wait for you to fall so they can pounce. Guard your tongue and watch your actions. But if you do falter, bring it to the Lord not to the crowd.

v. 19: Those that hate me are multiplied. Just remember, they hated Jesus too. And truthfully, their true anger is toward God, not me.

For a chapter that started off on God’s wrath and festering wounds, it was very inspiring.

I always prayed to be like David, a man after God’s own heart. I’m honored to follow in his footsteps.