faith unfaded

Last February my life changed once again. A big freelance job ended, two friends I’d had daily contact with ghosted me, and my self-worth was at an all-time low.

I couldn’t see that the Lord had something else for me to do or that He was removing people from my life that were separating me from Him. In retrospect it makes perfect sense and I am grateful for His intervention.

At the time, though, I crawled into a dark hole and cried, hating myself in a dark cycle of pity and rejection.

As I began the mountainous climb out of that valley, I grew stronger. I found joy. I had peace.

And I learned a few things about myself as well as the Lord.

He is the author and finisher of my faith. (Hebrews 12:2) For a writer who loves her byline that’s sometimes hard for me to remember. But this isn’t MY story. It’s His. I am merely a vessel.

I also learned that my identity is in Christ. Not as a mother, a daughter, a friend, or an employee. When my identity is fully in Him, I am a better version of all of those things. But they don’t define me. He does.

And He says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)

It doesn’t matter if a publication rejects or a friend abandons me. None of that changes who He created me to be.

A new season has come once again in my life. As I shift more toward focusing on my manuscripts and giving my testimony, I must keep my eyes on Him. Satan wants me to look at the circumstances and spiral. It’s what he’s always gotten me to do.

But I am no longer the immature Christian allowing circumstances to affect my journey with God. I walk through hard things. I persevere through heartbreak. I remain steadfast.

Because the other thing I learned about God is this: His plans for me are good.

Why would I fight them?

It reminds me of my dog Annie. Every month I’d have to give her medicine. Every single time she’d lock that jaw down and we’d fight. I’d try peanut butter, ham, holding her mouth and blowing on her nose…

She’d refuse til I had to sit in a locked bathroom, set it on the floor, and open a book. I’d tell her I would just read until she took it and eventually she’d take it.

I had to because I knew it would keep her healthy. I wanted what was best for her even though she felt like she was being punished.

I imagine that’s how we do the Lord sometimes. He’s giving us the treatment to protect OUR hearts and we lock down refusing to take it.

But He says, Come taste and see that the Lord is good. (Psalm 34:8)