MESSAGE ON REPEAT

I’ve spent the last week cleaning out and organizing files. These are veritable snapshots of my life and quite insightful.

I have come across over twenty years of letters my husband has written me. Sweet love notes that he would write when we both worked outside the home. Now I get a “hey..” holler from the other room. Romance must be fleeting. At least when you are together nearly 24/7. Maybe I should go find a Starbucks to work at so he has a chance to miss me again.

I’ve also read through nearly 30 years of journal entries. Fortunately for me I was never faithful with my journal writing as an adult so that didn’t take too long. I only wrote when I was extremely happy or extremely upset. Apparently, mundane me doesn’t journal.

In those journals (spread out over 47 notebooks) there was also  creative writing and poetry. Happy me never wrote spontaneous notebook poems but Ticked off me was quite the wordsmith. I kinda felt bad for the girl who was so mistreated and misunderstood. She apparently had it rough.

The creative writing was interesting. Children’s books I’ve since submitted to publishers, book ideas that I can work with, short stories, songs, chapters of fiction that made me cry even though they were fictional characters I created myself! I found skits I’d done in my classrooms and my library programs; I found pages that made no sense to me at all. I found one book I’d started writing in 1995! I’d hoped it would become a timeless coming-of-age classic one day but realized by sending my main character to Blockbuster, I completely dated the work! Who would have known?

Some of this work I’m impressed with; others are sheer garbage. I should save all of it but I’m trying to declutter. I’ve made files and some of my handwritten rough drafts will be in the file cabinet for safekeeping if the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators has a temporary museum on my work one day. (Kids, these are in the 2nd drawer down if my success occurs posthumously. The great ones are never appreciated in their own time.)

The rest will reside in a landfill somewhere until it disintegrates. Don’t feel bad for it; most of the rejected pages have already outlived my memories of writing it.

But the stuff that really grabs my attention are the notes on things the Lord has shown me. Words other people have given me, revelation from my studies and prayer life, discernment of my walk with Him.

And I see some of the same messages over and over again.

The main one is how excited I get in the Lord and I just take off like the Roadrunner with my feet spinning and kicking up dust. That’s not a bad thing but I tend to outrun, and eventually forget all about, Him. In my quest to serve Him. Ironic, isn’t it?

It is a message He has given me repeatedly.

Not so surprisingly, this is where I am right now.

I’ve got so many irons in the fire, excited about new opportunities, that I’m in danger of forgetting Who I’m doing all this for.

He understands and I know He loves my enthusiasm.

But He also loves ME and wants me to slow down and just spend time with Him.

I’m hoping that this time I can do it right…and maybe not see the same message over and over again the next time I organize files.

Like when they want to put my handwritten notes into a museum somewhere….

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