faith unfaded

There are some situations in life that don’t resolve neatly.

Not every strained relationship finds its way back to the table. Not every misunderstanding gets cleared up. Not every person who misjudges you eventually sees the truth.

And if we’re not careful, we can spend a lot of emotional energy trying to fix what was never fully ours to fix.

Today I had a new realization:

Sorrow and acceptance can coexist.

For a long time, I thought peace meant the pain had to disappear. I thought resolution and relief were supposed to arrive hand in hand. But life — and the Lord — have been gently teaching me something deeper.

You can grieve what is broken…
and still walk forward in peace.

You can acknowledge the hurt…
and still refuse to live in bitterness.

That realization alone has shifted something inside me.

I can hold deep unresolved pain and still walk in joy.

It’s almost like the difference between chronic and acute illness.

With a chronic illness, you must learn how to manage symptoms effectively. There is a condition that’s unlikely to change, but you can minimize the negative effects it has on your life.

I have a few of those. Estranged children, openly hostile family members, dementia heartbreak… as the years pass, I have learned how to navigate ongoing grief while retaining joy.

I consider it the thorn in my flesh.

Acute issues flare up suddenly. They demand immediate attention. They often resolve with the right treatment. Often they are entangled with chronic situations — and that led me to another realization.

Two people build reconciliation.
One person maintains integrity.

Reconciliation is not a solo endeavor. You can perform kindness or extend an olive branch, but you cannot force the other person to reciprocate.

You can, however, maintain your integrity.

Romans 12:18 says it plainly:
“As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

It does not say:
• fix everyone
• convince everyone
• win everyone over
• or carry responsibility for someone else’s feelings

It says: as far as it depends on you.

The freedom in that verse is the reminder that your actions — not the outcome — are what pleases the Lord.

There are moments when my flesh would love to respond differently. To stand up and clap back. To loudly set the record straight. To exact revenge on those who try to hurt me.

But I’ve learned something over the years:

If I wouldn’t say it with the Lord standing next to them…
I don’t need to say it at all.

So instead, I let my integrity speak.

I stay kind.
I stay steady.
I stay out of the business of trying to force outcomes that only God can orchestrate.

Not because it never hurts.

But because my peace is too hard-won to keep handing it over to situations I cannot control.

Paul understood this when he wrote about the thorn he repeatedly asked God to remove from him. The answer he received was not immediate relief but sustaining grace.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Sometimes God heals.

Sometimes He strengthens.

And sometimes… He teaches us how to walk faithfully with the thorn still present.