faith unfaded

Have you ever spent an entire day having so much fun? You hung out with friends, had lunch, and then spent an afternoon shopping or hanging by the pool.

Whatever your happy place, imagine it.

Then picture yourself coming home and getting dressed for bed when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror with a big chunk of spinach stuck to your teeth!

It’s been there all day, everyone saw it. Every time you laughed, filling like a million bucks, your gaffe was on display. Why didn’t someone say something?

You might laugh it off. You might be so embarrassed you avoid those you’d been around for a while. You might even be angry no one told you. Whatever your reaction, one thing is clear: you had no idea your pearly whites had a big chunk of leafy green dimming their shine.

I didn’t realize until this morning how much spiritual food was stuck in my teeth. I have been holding grudges deep in my heart and deceiving myself into thinking I’d mastered forgiveness.

I can move forward. I can not speak of those who’d wronged me. I can still love those who hurt me. I can even move forward as if nothing’s wrong.

But my heart is keeping score.

It’s a delayed docket. When they hurt me again, the old charges are brought up and assessed. Forgiveness is superficial- putting enough gas in the tank to get down the road but never enough to make it all the way.

My elephant mind, great for trivia and Jeopardy, isn’t so great when it comes to relationships. Remembering every wrong, overanalyzing every move…it’s a far cry from casting someone’s sin as far as the east is from the west. It’s merely tabling it from the past to the current incident.

The world will tell you that’s smart. Let people’s actions speak the truth. Believe it when someone shows you their true colors. Let go of those who let go of you.

But that leaves out grace. And mercy. And the opportunity for change. It isn’t having a heart like His. It isn’t true forgiveness.

It’s having spiritual food stuck in your teeth.

It’s time for a dental deep clean.

Lord, help me to have a heart like Yours. One that doesn’t keep score or seek self-preservation. One that knows love covers a multitude of sins. Show me how to let go of past hurts and lay down grudges so that nothing comes between me and You.