faith unfaded

Yesterday was not my finest hour.

I hate these moments and the fact that they are fewer and farther between is of no comfort when I stumble in my walk with Christ. I want perfection; I want to remain blameless in the eyes of the Lord.

It had been a challenging day and I was working hard to finish articles and pack for my trip. I slid in a dress rehearsal for a local children’s theatre and cooked and restocked the fridge for my parents since I was going to be gone for a couple of weeks.

Then Satan cut another of my ropes keeping my ship moored to the dock and my vessel upright.

I’ve stood by helplessly as line after line of those closest to me have been chopped away over the last year. I’ve begun drifting out to sea more than once.

I am extremely aware that my most stalwart ropes are a blessing and not a right. There are a couple of loved ones whose unwavering support has given me strength and kept me grounded when the rockiest of waves came.

I have my Anchor in Christ, and He is all I need.

But I like the safety net too. I like feeling connected, moored, tethered. And when Satan took a swing yesterday I came unmoored.

I was a ship, with one of my main dock lines severed in an already stormy sea.

I was a tetherball, smacked so hard I came flying off the pole and detaching from the rope.

I don’t do well unmoored and untethered.

These are the times I usually draw closer to God, put on my worship playlist and rest in Him.

Last night I put on Freebird, packed enough clothes to disappear for six months, and listened to the lies the devil whispered in my ear. I stomped around like a teenager…blaring Whitesnake’s Here I Go Again On My Own…

I can be dramatic on a good day, even more so when I’m hurt or mad.

I had your basic toddler tantrum, knowing what was too far with the Lord and stopping just short of it.

I went to bed in tears and, truthfully, woke up still in tears. But at least I was repentant. It had been the 24th day of my 25 Secular Music Fast and I’d purposefully ignored the Lord when He’d reminded me.

I gave myself grace, knowing He’d forgiven me as soon as I asked. I’m still not proud of myself- I want to always be pure and unblemished in the sight of the Lord- but it was a new day and a chance to start over.

One time, after a particularly bad time in my life, I asked the Lord when I was going to stop having to start over at square one.

His reply? “Never.”

He showed me the cross and explained, “It is when you DON’T start over at square one- the foot of the cross- every single morning that you get in trouble.”

Whether you are in a mess, following Jesus faithfully, or somewhere in between, start each and every day anew- like it’s the day you first gave your heart to Him.