faith unfaded

I knew there was a problem. I found myself God-adjacent instead of resting at His feet as usual. I’d continued to read my morning devotion but hadn’t done my daily Bible study and journaling in a while.

It had been a difficult couple of weeks. It was Murphy’s Law on steroids. If it could go wrong, it did. Trip snafus, a Covid diagnosis, a social distancing dilemma on the road, then an abscessed tooth. The latter had me seriously contemplating narcotics for the first time in a year.

If you’ve ever struggled with pain pill addiction, you know that taking even one pain pill is like rolling the dice. You might get away with just one, you might even successfully take a short course. But you also might turn the light switch on to addiction and want more. I couldn’t take that chance.

But the pain was killing me. My head felt like it was going to explode at any given moment.

The one thing I realized with certain clarity was that this was a familiar trap. It wouldn’t be the first, second, or even hundredth time Satan hit me with a one-two punch. Mental anguish… swing, physical pain… upper cut. He had me where he wanted me.

But I wasn’t going down this time. No referee would start the count of my body flat on the mat. I was Ali, letting Satan do his thing while I sagged against the ropes, propped up by the Holy Spirit and regaining my strength.

I let him rope-a-dope me but I stayed on my feet.

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Ephesians 6:13

I was getting weary. I was battered and bruised. But I knew I was changing up the steps of this familiar tango. I was deviating from my usual pattern with the devil.

I made myself do what I needed to do. I praised when I wanted to vent. I got up when I wanted to pull the covers over my head. I bought OTC pain relievers and refused to consider narcotics any longer.

I went to the Bible. The Lord led me to passage after passage that spoke to my very heart. Proverbs 15. Colossians 2. Ephesians 4.

And then I came up swinging with everything I had. My words started pouring out of me again and onto the paper. My joy couldn’t be contained. It manifested once again in my countenance. Peace was restored in my heart. Healing took place in my body, including my mouth. A new strength rose up from within, along with a determination to fight every spiritual battle with gusto.

We are all fighting battles.

At a Sunday School dinner tonight, our table of 30 sat in a restaurant enjoying each other’s company with laughter and Christian fellowship. But there were unspoken battles to go home to as well. Grief, health issues, physical pain, regret… this is why we bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2) and also rely on the Lord (Psalm 28:7).

I will NOT fall into old traps.

Nor will I give place to the devil. Ephesians 4:27

The AMP version of that verse makes it clear how to avoid that:

And do not give the devil an opportunity to lead you into sin by holding a grudge, or nurturing anger, or harboring resentment, or cultivating bitterness.

I am back at the feet of Jesus, my eyes locked firmly on His. You might find me hiding behind His robe in a battle. You might find Him holding the back of my shirt like a toddler while my hands and feet are just a swinging. Or you might find Him letting me go full heel on Satan.

What you won’t find is me switching sides ever again.