faith unfaded

God’s divine timing is next-level engineering stuff. Imagine all the things He put in place in the story of Esther to come together in one day. Years of acts that led to Mordecai being honored and Haman being impaled on the same pole he’d intended for Mordecai.

But Satan has good timing as well. He hits us at our weakest. He seeks to destroy the manifestation of Christ in our life.

I’ve learned to recognize him as he’s coming and can often sidestep him. But he got a mighty sucker punch in last night and I couldn’t see his lies clearly in the literal and spiritual darkness.

When I don’t know what else to do, I stand. Or, in this case, I went to bed and asked the Lord to stand for me. I asked Him to heal my heart- the attack had been devastating- and to give me a clear perspective.

Long after the berating phone call ended, I continued to beat myself up, feeding on both the lies and the consequences of my undeniable past actions.

I woke up three times in the middle of the night, the situation fresh on my mind. I knew the Lord was doing battle just as I’d asked. I went back to sleep.

I refused to tag back in til morning.

When I did wake up, refreshed and renewed, the situation hadn’t changed but I had. I now possessed wisdom with which to handle this ongoing conflict. I was able to separate the truth from the revision of history, something that had been a big factor in my last marriage. I will not take responsibility for someone’s flawed perceptions ever again.

I understood why my joy upsets some people. They don’t think I deserve it. Plus misery loves company. But I don’t reside there anymore and as much as I love someone, I’m not returning to the wallowing pit for them.

God set my feet upon a rock and I am going to stand.

You have two choices when you reach this point- severing ties completely or praying for reconciliation. After much prayer, I decided on the latter. But with a little extra spiritual armor in place: a continual prayer for healing and truth to be manifested in them and a barrier against guilt and regret for me.

These are things I’ve already laid down at the cross. Don’t let the people you’ve wronged march you back there to pick it up again.

It’s a new day. Leave the past behind. Whether it’s 20 years ago or yesterday- or as in my case, both- remember Isaiah 43:18.

Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.