faith unfaded

My daily independent Bible study is a bit unconventional. I sit still, open my spiritual ears and ask the Lord what He wants me to read.

I usually bounce back and forth between Paul’s letters to the churches and the words of the Old Testament prophets like Daniel and Jeremiah.

I have so much of them all in me. Fiery like the prophets, commanding yet unassuming like Paul. I have the spirit of my ancestors and the heart of my Savior.

I am unashamed to say these things because it was only when I made myself small that His power grew within me. I do not promote myself; I promote Jesus.

He is the only reason I’m alive today.

Today’s Bible reading was Psalm 116. It reminded me of the depths from which He restored me.

1 
I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
    he heard my cry for mercy.
2 
Because he turned his ear to me,
    I will call on him as long as I live.

3 
The cords of death entangled me,
    the anguish of the grave came over me;
    I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
4 
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    “Lord, save me!”

In years past, I’d call upon the Lord in times of trouble. After He’d right my ship, I’d take off on my own again. This cry was different. It came from a place so deep I wasn’t sure I’d survive it.

The deliverance was different. His grip on me was tighter. My future was forever changed.

5 
The Lord is gracious and righteous;
    our God is full of compassion.
6 
The Lord protects the unwary;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.
7 
Return to your rest, my soul,
    for the Lord has been good to you.
8 
For you, Lord, have delivered me from death,
    my eyes from tears,
    my feet from stumbling,
9 
that I may walk before the Lord
    in the land of the living.

I hadn’t been living. For a few years I’d been merely existing, the pain of the past suffocating the life out of me. My heart filled with tears, I stumbled through life.

10 
I trusted in the Lord when I said,
    “I am greatly afflicted”;
11 
in my alarm I said,
    “Everyone is a liar.”

I trusted no one. I saw only evil.

12 
What shall I return to the Lord
    for all his goodness to me?
13 
I will lift up the cup of salvation
    and call on the name of the Lord.
14 
I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
    in the presence of all his people.

Yet He set me on a rock. He blessed me and He upheld me with His right hand. I vowed never to depart His presence again. I promised to share His goodness with the world.

15 
Precious in the sight of the Lord
    is the death of his faithful servants.
16 
Truly I am your servant, Lord;
    I serve you just as my mother did;
    you have freed me from my chains.

A fitting verse leading into Mother’s Day as the faith of my mother, her mother before her, and her mother’s mother was modeled to me as a young child. I will pick up the mantle left behind by these godly women, my Mema ‘Gomery and Granny Stephenson. Precious indeed were their deaths.

17 
I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
    and call on the name of the Lord.
18 
I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
    in the presence of all his people,
19 
in the courts of the house of the Lord—
    in your midst, Jerusalem.
Praise the Lord.

I’d once been so concerned with how the world saw me. When I was at my lowest, the world laughed and pointed, they turned their backs. But Jesus was there. He held me through the storm.

I now boldly proclaim my faith to the One who never left my side. It is the thank-you I was raised to write, only now I’m writing it with my words and actions.