faith unfaded

Last Easter, my Sunday School teacher taught a lesson on 50 Days That Changed the World. It was about Jesus’ ministry from the Resurrection to Pentecost. We often forget that part.

My heart was immediately pricked. How much change could I make in 50 days? What do I need to do? The answer came immediately: a negativity fast.

Looking back over the notes today that I’d written in the margins a year ago, I could see why it was needed. I was starting a new season of my life with a lot of burdens in my backpack.

I was begrudgingly “staying in a city” I didn’t want to be in. (Luke 24:49) I was looking forward to my enemies being “cut to the heart” for their unbelief. (Acts 2:37)

This was not supposed to be about unbelief in Jeanni. This was about unbelief in JESUS. I was operating in the wrong Spirit.

On top of that, I was turning into somewhat of a spiritual Robin Hood. Life and death is in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21) but I figured it was okay to speak death over the wicked. I was David going up against Goliath. I was Jeremiah asking the Lord to rain fire down on the wicked.

I was Peter in Matthew 16:22-23.

When you’re doing the work and the will of the Lord, there’s a supernatural peace that surrounds you. That was my first clue that something was amiss because I was feeling anything but peaceful.

I started a 50-day negativity fast that day. Any negative thought was sent to the dumpster in my head, being allowed no pass age through my lips. I didn’t realize how much negativity came out of my mouth until I consciously sought to stop it.

One day, sitting on the swing with my dad discussing an in-law giving me great grief, I slipped. My dad, with his usual humor, smiled. “Oh, has it been 50 days already?”

Instead of repenting and getting back on track, I used the opportunity to say all the things that I’d held back for three weeks. I thought it would feel good to say all the things that had been bottled up inside. It did not. That’s the thing with making a commitment to the Lord- when you break it, it feels worse than any virus ever could.

Somewhere in those 50 days, I stopped counting the days. My mindset was changed. This was no longer an experiment with an expiration date; it was a new way of life.

My public platform was changed. I’d adopted my mama’s wise words from childhood. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was positive…or I was silent.

My personal life followed suit. I no longer felt anger; I didn’t need to be vindicated. I was the 6-year old picking daisies in the outfield in the midst of the championship game.

I had peace.

This positivity became such a natural part of my life that I’d forgotten all about this experiment until Easter rolled around.

There were three key points I made note of that somehow settled deep within over this past year. Last year’s 50 days changed ME; now it’s time to change the world.

1. Jesus explains scripture in Luke 24:27. I must continually read and study the Word to explain it to others. Sunday mornings and a quick daily devotion are not enough. 

2. When the people realized they’d been wrong in their unbelief, Peter didn’t say, “That’s tough. Too bad,” and walk away. He told them ALL to repent and be baptized. He called them brothers. You’ll never reach that place if you hold animosity toward those who ridicule and persecute you for your faith. 

3. When Jesus led them out to the vicinity of Bethany, He lifted up His hands and blessed them. He was taken up to Heaven while He blessing them! 

Do I really want my very last words on earth to be anything but positive? Speaking life, that’s how I want to go out. And the only way to ensure that is to ALWAYS SPEAK LIFE.