faith unfaded

I watched the first episode with Ryan Seacrest hosting Wheel of Fortune the other night. I expected to have deep emotions.

After all, I’d watched Pat Sajak host the show since I was 12.

When Drew Carey took over for Bob Barker on The Price is Right after 35 years, I felt like my childhood had been ripped away. How many days did I stick that mercury thermometer up to my nightlight so I could fake a sick day and watch Bob and his Barker’s Beauties call contestants to Come on Down?

I hated change.

I hated every time my mom updated our furniture or dishes. I hated when the school times shifted to allow high school students to get out before their younger siblings. I hated restaurants changing their logos, like the security blanket had been ripped from Linus’ hands.

I suppose it was rooted in childhood trauma and a deep need for control. When things changed I came out of my comfort zone. When I lost my comfort zone I became unsettled.

I’d found my peace in order and stability.

Circumstantial peace is never true peace. That’s why it’s hard to maintain.

Once I surrendered not just my life but my will to the Lord, change no longer frightened me.

Sometimes it’s a little bittersweet: I hated seeing the Piccadilly building razed where I’d had many family meals as a child and as a young mom. I’d even told my first husband we were expecting baby #2 shortly after making our dilly plates. (Our oldest was less than two months old. Piccadilly seemed a safe place to make THAT announcement!)

Sometimes it’s exciting: Kees Park in Pineville lost the DMV where I’d gotten my driver’s license but has arguably the best park now in Central Louisiana.

But mostly it’s like one of the few French phrases I remember from two years of high school foreign language classes: comme ci, comme ca. Change is the shrugging shoulders emoji I’ve grown so fond of. It’s neither good nor bad. It is what it is.

I learned to embrace change when I realized external circumstances had no effect on my faith.

But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God. Acts 20:24

As the contestant won the bonus round I realized that I’d completely forgotten there was a new host. I’d been watching the game, solving puzzles, and hadn’t even thought to compare the hosts after the first three minutes.

With my eyes and heart focused on Jesus, the little stuff simply doesn’t matter anymore.