faith unfaded

I started under-the-covers writing about a year ago. My mind would be swirling with thoughts I couldn’t control and I verbalized them into my phone. They often lacked structure, these anger-fueled tirades in prose.

Over time my writing became less verbal vomit and more a healthy coping mechanism. I wrote instead of turning to medication or chemicals. I wrote instead of entertaining suicidal thoughts. I wrote instead of relying on others to stop mental spirals.

As my mind and heart became more tuned to Christ, I started writing to draw closer to Him. If I had something that was hindering my faith walk, I wrote until my heart was right again. I found verses, I held myself accountable to the truth found in those scriptures.

My writing became more concise. My thoughts more coherent. I healed.

Now when I have something weighing on my mind late at night, I still grab my phone and begin writing in my app. It is my digital prayer, a way of laying it all at the foot of the cross so that I may have the sweet slumber of Proverbs 3:24.

My year-long journey was not always pretty but it led me here to the place where I can stand in front of God unashamed. I can unravel struggles through words of honesty and a desire to completely surrender to Him. There is no trial that cannot be managed through prayerful reflection and a reliance on the Holy Spirit.

This digital journaling is for me, an exercise in maintaining mental sanity and persevering in faith. Some evenings, like tonight, I just want to pour out my soul even without a storm brewing inside.

I share the entries to help those who are still where I was when the words made little sense. I share them to spread hope that God can take the most tormented mind and restore it. I share so that others who cannot sleep will know the gift of rest God gives us when we put our lives in His hands.

In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8

…for he gives to his beloved sleep. Psalm 127:2

And the aforementioned scripture which is my favorite sleep verse…

When you lie down, you will not be afraid, when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Proverbs 3:24

My whole life I’ve needed to read myself to sleep, watch tv, listen to music, take sleep aids, or put on a sound machine to drift off. Now I tune in to the Lord, lay my burdens down by writing my thoughts and feelings out, and enjoy the sweet slumber He has promised.

I pray that you enjoy that rest as well.