faith unfaded

I leave the Abbey of Gethsemani quite differently this time. It’s only fitting as I arrived broken last time and left healed.

This time I arrived healed and left broken once again.

Last time my head was spinning. This time it’s my heart.

I have aged a decade this week. The attacks have been mighty. Darkness has manifested in those who were never friends. Satan then pulled a one-two punch by attacking familial and friendship bonds as well.

It has left me wanting to isolate from everyone.

I’d already watched my inner circle nearly evaporate. This week it got even smaller.

I’d been given a sliver of hope regarding reconciliation in other relationships. This week it was yanked away.

I am unsteady. I am hurt. I am broken.

I wonder if I’m letting Satan win this battle or if God is stripping it all away so that I have nothing left but Him. I wonder if I am being dramatic or finally seeing things clearly.

I don’t like this feeling at all.

That is exactly why we are to remember that faith is not feelings. Faith perseveres throughout adversity. Faith is when we feel we are drowning but we know the Lord is in the boat.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

Please pray for my drive home today. My Plan A, B, and C for the weekend all fell through so I am driving all the way home from Kentucky. Not only do I need traveling grace during the drive, I also need spiritual support to lay down the burden of hurt without exchanging it for anger or depression.

Satan tempts us with new offerings every time we lay down our burdens. The foot of the cross is never a swap shop.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22

For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, Fear not, I will help you. Isaiah 41:13