faith unfaded

I’m on a personal journey to revisit the past in an effort to spiritually deep clean my soul. I’ve been on it for several months, years of neglect creating a need for major repairs.

My foundation, however, was always solid.

My parents raised me in the ways of the Lord and taught me His promises.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Proverbs 37:4

I spent quite a few years being anything but delightful.

But now was the time for me to rise again. The Titanic had been righted and it was time to sail. I had a few destinations.

Of all the do-overs in my life, freshman year was a big one. I’d fallen for Satan’s trap and allowed my desire to be popular usurp my desire to follow God. What happened next was the systematic removal of everything and everyone I loved. I began walking the dark path of addiction.

I’d step back into the light, my servant’s heart reigning supreme, but my mind kept me imprisoned to pain. The duality of feeling half-hood, half-holy caused a perpetual conflict in my heart.

But now I was getting the chance to redo some of it and give my whole heart back to Jesus.

First up was moving back in to my parents’ home as I rebuilt a post-divorce life and navigated a new career. Moving home with Mom and Dad was embarrassing at first, but I knew many of my friends would gladly suffer the discomfort to reunite with their departed parents. I now cherish the blessing of our time together.

Then came my Reputation era. I dealt with false accusations and attempted character assassination. This time I’d learned to shake it off.

How could I not? God had given me a second chance and the attacks were merely distractions from the healing journey I was on.

Besides, He has given me some of the deepest desires of my heart. Time to finish my book, writing for newspapers and magazines, reviewing musicals and movies…. it is more than I ever could’ve dreamed of myself.

Forty years after I thought my life was over, it began again. All because I finally decided to stop seeking what I wanted from my life and let Him take the reins.

Direct my footsteps according to your word;
    let no sin rule over me. Psalm 119:133