faith unfaded

Thanksgiving 1993

It was 3 am. I had a turkey defrosting on the counter and the stuffing in the fridge. It was our turn to host and all of my in-laws were coming in around 9 am. I had a 1 year old, a 2 year old, and a 3 year old sleeping in their beds when my water broke.

I remember being more concerned over my Thanksgiving meal than anything.

I do not remember exact details but I’m certain my parents must’ve come over to watch the babies while we made the now-familiar trip to Cabrini’s Labor and Delivery unit. The relatives arrived a few hours later.

Still worried about the meal, I gave turkey instructions to my sister-in-law in between contractions.

Everyone came to the hospital after the meal, kids and cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents. It was slightly overwhelming after just giving birth but I’d just missed the family Thanksgiving and they wanted to make sure I was still a part of it. ❤️

Plus they got to meet their newest family member, an opportunity they would never have again. For that, I’m very grateful.

It was one of the cousins who first pointed out how blue her feet were. There had been no initial concern medically.

A few hours later a doctor came in and explained that she had a heart defect and would be airlifted to Oschner’s in New Orleans. My mother would then take me there and we’d stay for 6 weeks while my dad (along with our entire church) helped my kids’ father take care of them back home.

Coming home without her was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done but there were so many people God placed in our lives at that time. I never felt alone or abandoned.

I’ll never forget a great friend coming over and helping take down the crib we’d set up In our bedroom before she was even born. Harder than that was throwing out six weeks of frozen breast milk I’d painstakingly accumulated while waiting for her to hopefully transition to bottle feeding. In retrospect, I probably could’ve donated it but I was in a grief haze with three other babies who just needed their mom and some normalcy to return to their lives.

In the last decade, I’ve become extremely grateful that she’s lived her life in Heaven and I am excited for our reunion.

So I find it fitting as her 30th birthday arrives that I’ve reconnected with some of my former in-laws and have a great relationship with my children’s other parents and sister. I have found healing where there once was mass destruction.

But most of all, I’ve realized that it doesn’t have to take 30 years for healing to take place on more recent events. It just takes a willing heart.

Today is a great day for anyone needing healing to look at your life from a lens of thankfulness. I could’ve told this story- the exact same story- from a bitter lens just as easily. But where’s the edification in that? How does that profit my life?

God is the author and finisher of our faith but He gives us the crayon box. And not the cheap 2-pack you get in restaurants. You get the big one with the sharpener.

You can choose to color your world in all black but don’t complain when you don’t like the picture.

Use all the colors and let Him create a masterpiece out of your life!

Happy Thanksgiving! 🦃🍁