faith unfaded

I write today from under the covers.

It’s a little ironic as my journal, started a mere two weeks ago, is already half full of amazing revelations and blessings in Christ.

But today I’m recovering.

Yesterday was tough. The battle in my mind weakened my flesh and when the attacks came from outside, I fought back in the Spirit for about five minutes before I threw in the towel and tagged the flesh in.

That never works well for me.

Sure there was immense satisfaction in the sputtering on the other end of the phone. The woman had listened to me calmly and honestly speak and she kept attacking. So I snapped and attacked back. She freaked and hurried off the phone.

I still like that part of me a little too much. The part that refuses to be a pushover, a doormat, a punching bag…. The part of me that makes people think twice before trying to hurt me.

I know that it’s a defense mechanism and it isn’t necessary.

Why does it still feel necessary?

I’ve had a pretty strict rule ever since I started blogging ten years ago: Don’t create a post about a spiritual battle until you’ve overcome it.

Why else would I share it unless it could help someone?

I’m breaking my rule today because this battle is far from its heavenly victory. But I wanted to share this anyway for a few reasons.

1) Some days you have to accept you messed up, take time to regroup, and pull the covers over your head for a few extra minutes.

2) We need to all see the hope in the promised victories in Christ, even the ones we’ve yet to obtain. The victory is there…it’s up to us to grab them.

3) Verbalizing my truth, including my weaknesses and spiraling thoughts, has done more to shatter the darkness in my heart and mind than anything else in the last fifty years and it’s rather addicting.

No, today is a day to just be still.

And that’s okay too!