faith unfaded

We sang this again in church last Sunday. It hit different this time.

Somehow it was the Word I’d been desperately needing to hear. I’ve been in complete and utter turmoil in my life. While this isn’t new for me, it’s the first time it hasn’t been a result of my own actions.

That changes the ballgame.

When you mess up, it’s almost easier. You throw up your hands, surrender to God, suffer through the pain, and come out on the other side knowing your lumps were well-deserved.

When it’s beyond your control but still very directly affects you, you just suffer.

Or you question. IS this my fault? What could I have done differently?

You may plan. You may escape. You may get angry. Depressed. Determined.

Everyone reacts differently and some people have an easier time letting go of resentments or even relationships than others.

I’m not one of those people. In fact, my daughter Kelsey sent me a link to the Enneagram Personality Test today. When I got my results, I was skeptical. Type 2: The Helper…but then I read the part about this type being in the HEART category. (That lined up…the Lord once told me that in the body of Christ, I was part of the heart.) I, and those like me, are deeply connected with our feelings and are empathetic. We strive to connect with others on a deeper level.

That’s me.

I need to connect on an intimate level, willing to share my innermost thoughts and feelings at the risk of being rejected just for the chance to form a more meaningful connection.

So losing relationships that matter to me is truly heartbreaking. But I also know you can’t force relationships. So I’m doing my best to accept a new sort of normal in my life. Rewiring a five-decades-old brain takes some effort but hearing the song gave me a much needed boost.

For the God on the mountain, is the God in the valley.
When things go wrong, He’ll make them right.
And the God of the good times
is still God in the bad times.
The God of the day is still God in the night.

If you’re reading this and you relate, I want you to know that you are not alone. I’ve talked to people all over the country, from 9-90, homeless to mansions, men and women. And almost everyone is feeling this unbearable squeeze on their lives. It isn’t surprising- we have heard our whole lives that Satan is after our marriages and our families. He’s after our health and our finances. It’s very easy to feel like he’s won. And, in some families, he DID win the battle and fractured them forever. But the war is not over. And we, as Christians, will prevail in the end.

So hold tight to your faith. Sometimes it’s all you have. I am determined to squeeze every ounce of peace and joy I can out of every single day. Whether that’s five minutes or 5 hours, I am determined to live life to the fullest despite the devil’s plans to destroy me. I look for the positives each day; I help others; I keep my eyes open to needs around me. I also am a big believer in self-care. For me, that’s been attending local theater productions a couple of times a month and indulging in the occasional mani-pedi!

When things go wrong, He’ll make them right.

He may not heal that loved one. He may not repair that broken relationship. He may not provide a financial blessing. But He WILL sustain you so that no matter what happens, you know beyond a shadow of doubt that you are safe and loved and cared for.

I cannot control the minds or actions of anyone around me. But I can control my own. I’ve decided to choose life….and joy….even in the valley.

Is He not still God in the valley?

We talk of faith way up on the mountain.
Talk comes so easy when life’s at its best.
Now down in the valleys, of trials and temptations
That’s where your faith, is really put to the test.

It’s time to start putting our money where our mouth is. Times are getting tough. Life is getting harder. Grab your number 2 pencil because the test has started.